Where Do We Cut?
by OrgyMemberXVII
Summary: Claude and Alois decide to go climbing a mountain. They slip causing a life and death situation. What makes the situation worse is that other people are with them. Now they must figure out where to cut the rope! Total crack. Based off a YouTube video.


Somewhere in a parallel universe, Claude and Alois were climbing a mountain when suddenly Alois lost his balance and that also made Claude lose his balance making three of the climbing axes they used fall with Claude using only one to hold them up. With a sorry expression, Claude looked down at Alois and took out a knife.

"There's too much weight! I'm gonna have to cut the rope... I-I'm sorry." Claude started to cut the rope but Alois stopped him.

"Wait. Let me do it." The blond said and Claude gave him the knife. He was about to start cutting when a voice interrupted him.

"Whoa! What the fuck is all this? Why are you cutting the bloody rope here?!" Ciel's voice rang out. He'd been practically dragged by Alois to go on this climbing exhibition and he didn't come all the way down here just to die this way! Like hell he was gonna die before he got a chance to kick Alois for dragging him here.

"There's too much weight. It has to be done, I'm sorry." Alois said as he tried to cut again but yet again Ciel interrupted him.

"What makes you think he could hold you?"

"I know he can! Trust me, he's been working out!"

"Tell him I've been working out!" Claude yelled down at the two. The blue-eyed teen groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Well if anything, don't you think we should cut the piano off?" He gestured to the piano they had with them.

"Yea... That may actually be a good place to start." He mused handing his friend the knife. Ciel started to cut the rope until a voice interrupted him.

"Whoa! Slow down! Slow the fuck down! I didn't come all the way here to perform the first sonata at the summit of this mountain just to fall off and die! Are you fucking kidding me?" Sebastian yelled. He heard of this trip from Ciel and decided that he would be the first to perform a sonata at the summit of the mountain.

"I'm sorry but your piano is too heavy!"

"Your mother's too heavy!"

"Hey!" Rachel said, deeply offended by what the piano guy above her just commented about her weight. She wasn't heavy! She'd only come to make sure Ciel would be safe on this trip.

"Shut the hell up and take that back!"

"Make me midget!" That was it. Ciel started to cut the rope and the pianist immediately got scared.

"Okay! I take it back! I take it back!" Claude started to fall off a bit and looked frantic as he turned his head down to the bickering people below him.

"I'm slipping!" Just then, Sebastian played something on his piano that caused Claude to chuckle a bit.

"Nice."

"Thank you."

"But in all seriousness we're all going to die!"

"We're figuring this out!" said Alois. Seriously, they were all facing death right in the face.

"If I may, if you are still figuring out where to cut the rope then I am 100% sure the guy who looks like a life-sized wooden doll below me is a pervert."

"I'm a teacher not a pervert! I told you guys this was a field trip nine times!" Drocell said with a frown. He didn't look that much like a perverted life-sized dool! Did he?

"Wait! There are children down there?! We can't kill kids!" Ciel yelled. Why the hell would you bring kids with you on this kind of trip?

"Not just that! They're idiotic children!" This would be the part where the camera pans to some kids tied up in the rope but not in a normal way, more of a screwed up way. Alois started to freak out and panic.

"This is bad! This is really really bad!"

"Um, why don't we just cut off the that weird looking hound at the end there?" Drocell suggested pointing to the hound at the end of the rope who was squirming in his binds.

"I shall think not! That's a beautiful species who shall not be harmed!" Alois yelled.

"Um yea... Who else thinks we should kill the hound?" Ciel asked the people below him.

"Me." "Ditto." "Kill the damn hound." Sebastian, Rachel, and Drocell agreed. Ciel started to pass down the knife and when it got down to Dorcell, he tried to throw it to a young girl he thought would catch it but she didn't and that made the knife fall down to who knows where.

"We're fucked." Sebastian started to play something that was some sort of memorial music you'd probably listen to at a funeral or hear during a graduation slideshow.

"It was a great honor climbing with you all! I shall see you in the next life!" Claude yelled before the axe slipped out and everyone dropped... On the ground with the hound kind of breaking the fall. Claude groaned as he took the knife out of his side.

"I found my knife!"

* * *

Later at the place they ended up after the fall

"And that is why we will never do that again." Ciel deadpanned as he was in the hospital sharing a room with everyone else who was hurt by the fall when they fell off of the mountain they were climbing.

"But that was fucking hilarious! We have to do it again!" Alois laughed. Claude flipped him off as everyone laughed.

"I never got to perform my sonata..." Sebastian whined/pouted.

"Oh shut the hell up!" Everyone shouted at him. Yep, definitely not doing this again.

* * *

**Me: This is based off a video made by ExplosmEntertainment (the creators of the Cyanide & Happiness cartoons and comics) on YouTube. Personally I loved the video and wanted to turn it into a fanfic so I made this up! I hope you enjoyed! Oh and where they ended up after the fall wasn't in the video but I wanted to add it there. Love ya! I hope you liked and if you did then please favorite or review!**


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